WHY do I want to lose weight?

That is the question, isn't it?

When I was younger I would have said I wanted to lose weight because I want to be sexy.  Thats not the case now.  Of course I want to look good, who doesn't?  But my figure is not my #1 motivator.   I want to be healthy.  Almost everyone on my mother's side of the family is diabetic.  They are also all obese.  My father is in remission from colon cancer.  I don't want these health issues.  I just don't.  I also want to be here for my kids and future grandkids for as long as possible.  I don't want them to worry about me like I worry about my parents.

Right now I have a pretty good body image.  I'm comfortable in my skin.  I don't feel like I look terrible and my husband is sure happy with me just the way I am, he still can't keep his hands to himself 10 years and almost 100 lb later.  I guess that mean he really does love me, lol.  Don't get me wrong, there are parts of me I would change in a second if given the chance.  I hate the apron I have where my flat stomach used to be.  I know that it should be considered beautiful because it is came from having babies (3 c-sections cause it), but I still hate it.  I couldn't care less about my stretch marks, I don't want to wear a bikini anyway.  I would also make my butt a little rounder and my calves more shapely.   But those aren't the reasons I am on this journey.

I won't lie, it feels great when I see the number on the scale go down.  Its almost like a high and I'm usually in a great mood all day long after a good weigh in.  When that number goes up I get kind of depressed and I tend to obsess over what may have caused it and how to make it better next time.

I officially signed up for SW last tuesday.  I started the plan with almost nothing in my house that is on their food list but I made do.  I met up with some friends on saturday who I only see once in a while and I said "fuck it" and ate what I wanted.  I had chips, cheese cake, brownies, 2 types of pasta salad, potato salad, and a whole bottle of wine.  How do you think my weigh in went this morning?  Yup, I gained.  But thats ok, I knew I would.  I'm actually counting today as the start of my SW adventure.

Official start weight as of this morning:  220.3 lb